It’s been around in Greece (as a Visa, then a MasterCard issued by Citibank) and Spain (issued by UNOE Bank) since 1997, but maybe we only noticed it last week because of its decidedly generic branding? Okay, the visuals aren’t as boring as those on your average First Premier or BobCard, but to say the name doesn’t pop is being charitable.

Could Inditex (a company that has eschewed monikers like “Young Women’s Clothing Shop” in favor of Bershka, and chosen Oysho over “Seller of Undergarments and Pajamas”) be on the leading edge of a new über-descriptive paradigm in brand naming?

Unlikely. They created their latest retail concept, Uterqüe, in 2008 with a decidedly non-descriptive (but not nondescript) name.

Why didn’t they give each of their retail chains their own branded cards (like Gap, Inc. does with its Gap, Banana Republic and Old Navy cards)? No clue.

Why didn’t they create a single “Zara Card”, since (according to our informal shopper intercepts) everyone knows the various stores are all owned by Inditex, thereby grooming the tween shoppers at Stradivarius to become Zara shoppers in their twenties? Beats us.

We’re not sure motivations lay behind the decision to go with the name “Affinity Card” but with the company boasting that literally “Thousands of cardholders pay with this card”, we’re pretty sure that driving business wasn’t one of them.

In the annals of brand experience, there is no reward quite so prized as that of personal appreciation and recognition.  As consumers, we like to think that we have a choice in the brands we buy and frequent, and feel (justifiably) validated when these brands acknowledge that they value our custom. As we have noted previously, the sweet sound of one’s own name alone can inspire the warmest of feelings and brand fidelity.  And when we are offered something a little extra not available to everyone else, then BAM! we can feel like veritable A-Listers, even when such a perk is merely earlier access to spend more money on the brand.  But the converse of this happy brand experience, of course, occurs when we realize that the recognition and appreciation we previously believed to be bonafide — or if feigned, at least voluntarily offered — becomes but a rote incantation dictated from on high and robotically invoked by fiat, rather than genuine impulse.

Such was the arc of a recent customer experience with our frequent traveling partner, Delta Airlines.  Our call with a Delta telephone agent who helped us with our reservation concluded with a cheerful, “Thank you for your loyalty to Delta, Mr. [BrandCultureTalk].” So far so good.  Then at check in, the agent intoned, “Thank you for your loyalty.”  Twice in one day, hmmm.  Upon entering the Delta SkyClub, “Thank you for your loyalty” again, and upon presenting our boarding pass to the gate agent . . . well, you get the idea. Twice is a coincidence, thrice is a Black Swan and four times is, well, an absurd indication of a well-intentioned customer recognition program gone awry.

Setting aside the question of whether we actually deserved to be thanked for a loyalty that was inspired by an absence of choice (Delta and AirTran/Southwest control 100% of the non-stop LAX-ATL flights and 92% of all traffic at ATL!) rather than an affirmative fidelity to the Delta brand, the fourth invocation of the exact same phrase struck us as, well, canned — because it assuredly was. When it becomes apparent that the phrase is required, the effect becomes the opposite of that intended.

Now we’re not slagging off the hard-working LAX Delta employees.  It’s not their fault.  And finding the right balance is neither self-evident nor easy. Too loose and standards become inconsistent and dangerously dependent on the idiosyncrasies of the individuals who represent the brand.  Too tight and brand loyalists view the effort to offer a proprietary, elevated brand experience as yet another cynical program to extract maximum cash out of customers at the lowest possible cost.  For example, when interacting with Chick-fil-A, a proffered “thank you” will ALWAYS be met with “my pleasure.”  Absolutely consistent, and absolutely devoid of humanity.  Why does Chick-fil-A do this? Purportedly because the founder Truett Cathy stayed at a Ritz Carlton hotel and enjoyed when the staff responded, “my pleasure.” Consistent? You bet.  Meaningful? No way. We would prefer a sincere or even cursory “you’re welcome” to a parroted “my pleasure” any time.

Not so very long ago, even the august Ritz Carlton brand fell prey to this same folly. For a time, nearly every one of the “ladies and gentlemen serving ladies and gentlemen” of Ritz Carlton would automatically respond to any request by a guest with the phrase “my pleasure.” But what was at first distinguishing and delightful quickly became monotonous and predictable. Ritz Carlton employees also snatched guests luggage and accompanied guests everywhere, even to the restroom unbidden. The Ritz had conflated control, rigidity and formality with sophistication and elegance. But they changed course.   After 20 years of rigorous enforcement of the “20 Rules,” Ritz Carlton relaxed the rigid adherence to the rules and implemented instead 12 Gold Standards to enable staff to offer what guests actually wanted, rather than what Ritz Carlton thought they should have (to wit, more in keeping with what we have previously written about the Four Seasons brand experience).

What we really want most from brand experiences employers simply can’t force or contrive : warmth, respect, validation and yes . . . even genuine appreciation.  But successful service organizations can inspire them — not every time for every interaction — but more often than not.

In reporting what he had learned during an undercover assignment as a room service waiter at the Ritz Carlton in Boston, then Senior Harvard Business Review Editor Paul Hemp noted, “Great customer service should be based on dynamic principles rather than a rigid formula. You don’t demand that employees say, ‘Certainly, my pleasure,’ until it feels right to them. You don’t mindlessly assume every guest wants to be pampered; some people just want to eat their dinners.”  And all people — even jaded branding consultants — will welcome a smile and a “thanks” more than a mindless catchphrase.

Call us snobs, but we’d prefer to take our lattés macchiato at the Fukuoka location:

More photos of the exquisite Fukuoka space here.

While that’s actually kinda sorta literally true, since automobile manufacturer Porsche AG is owned by Porsche Zwischenholding GmbH, which is a sister company to Volkswagen AG (both companies are owned by Porsche SE), we assume Mr. Scheiner  intended his comment metaphorically.

To us the Volkswagen stands for good value with a bit of style. We’re not sure we’d describe a $109,400, 385hp car as the Volkswagen of anything, but we get his point. Which got us thinking – can your stakeholders categorize you as easily as Mr. Scheiner categorized his car?

GREAT BRANDS MAKE TOUGH CHOICES

• The Mercedes-Benz of office chairs
• The Toyota of cloud storage
• The BMW of smartphones

These phrases describe very clearly how a brand could be positioned in a given category. The reason they  work is that each of these automobile manufacturers made the difficult decision to build its brand around a clear value proposition: luxury, value and performance, respectively.

IF YOU TRY TO BE EVERYTHING TO EVERYONE, YOUR BRAND MAY NOT MEAN ANYTHING TO ANYONE

Let’s be clear – the Yugo didn’t fail because of its brand. It failed because it was the worst car of the millennium. But many organizations offering good products and services don’t build the brands they could because they can’t decide what value the brand should stand for. Rather, they hype features, chase fads and broadcast a mixed bag of messages that never get real traction in the minds of their customers or of their employees.

So go for it. Become the Jeep, Bentley or Alfa Romeo of your industry. Or the Nordstrom, or the Southwest, or the USAA  - car brands aren’t the only ones capable of rigorous focus. Strive for the same level of positioning and communications discipline that these brands exhibit. It may not get you name checked by hedge fund managers, but if you choose your focus wisely it will help cement a powerful reputation in the minds of your customers and it will help galvanize your workforce around a common cause.

And if that fails? Well, there’s always The Force.

The Spanish company Gamesa (pronounced gah MEH sah) is a world leader in wind turbines. Gamesa is actually an acronym that stands for Grupo Auxiliar Metalúrgico, Sociedad Anónima. Even our readers who speak only American should be able to translate the first part. The second part, S.A., denotes a specific type of corporation. This naming protocol is common in Spain:

These are just a few of the many organizations that make acronyms/abbreviations/initialisms and their legal structure a part of their brand names. Even our beloved Inditex is shorthand for Industria de Diseño Textil, S.A.

Why do they choose names that are the creative equivalent of nails on a chalkboard? Two reasons. The first is history. Many of these companies were created decades ago, when brand identity models were still just a glint in David Aaker’s eye. The second, and more important reason, is gravitas. Being an SA requires investment that only makes sense for businesses of a certain size. Including it in the name is an easy (if indelicate) way to convey a sense of mass.

So while these names aren’t the kind that one tends to come up with during caffeine and sugar-fueled brainstorming sessions, they do serve their owners well in smoky boardrooms filled with captains of industry.

And it’s not just a Spanish phenomenon.

Some names just sound bigger, more serious, more established and more reliable. If you’re naming a new company, division, product or service, we’re not suggesting you lift one of these names. We are suggesting that you think carefully about what you’re offering and to whom, and then consider whether a name that’s less creative might actually be more effective.

After all, would you rather buy armored transport from General Dynamics or from Mobli? Or a urinal for your hospital from American Standard or WeeWorld? Actually, hold on a second. That’s not a bad name…